their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
