i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Randomize
