Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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