if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
