I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
