thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
