As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
