Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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