He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He better not be in your backpack
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
