whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
