ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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