I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
