yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
