youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
