whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
