my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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