is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Are my feet made of real feet?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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