Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I met the friendliest cop last night
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
