Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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