Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
