If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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