I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
