I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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