When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
