im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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