Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
