I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
