I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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