At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I still have a little drunk in my system
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Sorry about my life...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
