And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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