Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
