I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
