Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
