I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
