Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
This is the high leading the old right now
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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