dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
