my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
this just has baby written all over it
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
