fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
