found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
