we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
