ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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