Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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