sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
