im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
