I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
