the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
