I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
