It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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