you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
