and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
